CoMpLeTe InSaNiTy
by Megami Merquise
Summary: I have no idea what I was on when I wrote this. The title is self explanitory and it's about nothing. This is just what happens when a borderline-insane...OK an insane authoress gets bored beyond all belief. ^_^


Disclaimer: I own nothing! Don't sue!  
  
Title: Absolute Insanity  
  
Authoress: the great Megami Merquise  
  
Note: OOC-ness  
  
Megami: Hey minna! It's Saturday night, and I'm bored out of my mind! This can only result in insanity. Our computer is currently unavailable at the moment (painting the room) so by the time I post this it won't be Saturday night anymore. Oh, well! See how bored I am?  
  
Zechs: You're pathetic.  
  
Megami: Sexy Zechsy! ::glomps on::  
  
Zechs: Get off! ::tries (and fails) to get Megami off::  
  
Megami: Resistance is futile! Mwahahahahaha!!!  
  
Zechs: Have you been watching Star Trek again?  
  
Megami: I think it's pretty obvious that I have! I have a couple of marathons on tape! Yes, minna, I really do!  
  
Zechs: Who're you talking to?  
  
Megami: The readers.  
  
Zechs: [to readers] PLEASE HELP ME!!!  
  
Megami: What did I *just* say?  
  
Zechs: …  
  
Megami: You're no fun tonight. ::snaps fingers and the g-boys, plus Allen and Van from Escaflowne appear:: ^_^ All my bishonen are here!  
  
Zechs: Be afraid…be *very* afraid…  
  
Wufei: ONNA! SEND US BACK IMMEDIATELY!  
  
Megami: :-P I don't think so, Justice-boy! I'm bored, so I decided that I don't need to suffer alone, and Sexy Zechsy is in a bad mood for some reason—  
  
Zechs: I'll give you one guess as to why.  
  
Megami: You interrupted me! Anyway, since he's in a bad mood I brought you all here! ^_^  
  
Heero: Why don't you bring someone else? Like Legolas from LotR. I'm sure he'd just *love* to be bored with you.  
  
Megami: Real men are 2-D.  
  
All: We're all screwed.  
  
Megami: :-P You should feel lucky to be allowed to be in my presence! Tons of people beg to see me and you complain about being here?!  
  
Trowa: Name one person who begs to see you.  
  
Megami: Shut up! Uh…I don't know them all personally!  
  
Duo: You don't need to know them personally to know their name.  
  
Megami: You shut up too!  
  
Hime: DUO-CHAN!!! YOU GOT AWAY AGAIN!!!  
  
Duo: Kuso! :begins to run away, but is caught by Hime::  
  
(A/N: Hime is Hime Maxwell, an authoress, go read her stuff! ^_^)  
  
Hime: ::drags Duo back to her house, telling him how life wouldn't be so difficult if he quit running away::  
  
Duo: NNNNNNOOOOO!!!!!!!  
  
Van: That was odd.  
  
Wufei: You get used to it when you're by this baka onna and her friends. When she's with them it's worse.  
  
Van: Dear god…  
  
Megami: Wu-chan, I have a name.  
  
Wufei: You do.  
  
Megami: ::glare::  
  
Wufei: ::glares back::  
  
All others: ::sweatdrop::  
  
Megami: Call me 'Megami'  
  
Wufei: No, onna!  
  
Megami: Do it! I *dare* you!  
  
Wufei: No.  
  
Megami: Yes!  
  
Wufei: NO!  
  
Megami: Grrrr….  
  
All others: ::sweatdrop more::  
  
Megami: ::all of a sudden smiling evily:: Wu-chan, I know how to get you to call me by my name! ::snaps fingers::  
  
[flash of light around Wufei, who's now wearing a sailor moon outfit. (Note: I do like Sailor Moon!)]  
  
Wufei: INJUSTICE!  
  
Megami: Wow, I think that was the longest you went w/o saying 'injustice' in your entire life.  
  
Wufei: Onna! How dare you do this?! Put me back in my original clothes NOW!!!  
  
Megami: Every time you call me 'onna' I'll do something like this to you. But once you stop, I'll leave you alone and, maybe, let you leave! Now since you called me 'onna'… ::snaps fingers::  
  
Wufei: ::Spins around and says the Sailor Moon speech that I can't remember right now:: In the name of the moon, I will punish you!  
  
(A/N: I think that's it… ::sweatdrop::)  
  
Wufei: INJUSTICE!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MADE ME SAY THAT!!! NATAKU!! BAKA O—  
  
Megami: What was that, Wu-chan? I didn't quite hear you. ^_^  
  
Wufei: I said…nothing. ::face turns dark red w/ anger and looks like he could punch a hole in a wall::  
  
Megami: Good. Because I'm sure you wouldn't like to become the Easter bunny or Barney.  
  
Wufei: ::glare, but still silent::  
  
Megami: Good. That amused me for a while, but I'm quickly becoming bored again. ::sigh::  
  
Quatre: Too bad. Hey, it's kind of late, why don't you go to bed? I mean, tomorrow is Sunday, and you want to be awake for your homework. You have to read 100 pages of 'The Invisible Man'—  
  
Megami: Grr…. DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THAT BOOK!!!  
  
Allen: Too late. ::puts head in hand and begins to space out::  
  
Megami: Hey! 'Just Communication' just came on the stereo! I LOVE that song! ::begins dancing and singing along, runs over and grabs Allen, and starts dancing with him::  
  
Allen: HELP ME!!! PLEASE!!!  
  
[Song ends, and Allen sits back down as far away from Megami as possible]  
  
Heero: This is the most random piece of crap I've ever seen.  
  
Megami: Give me a break, I'm bored, tired, on a partial sugar high, and have MAJOR writer's block! Be happy you're not…I don't know…in a GW/Labyrinth crossover. You too Zechs! 'Cuz you know what some of my evil friends say about you look—  
  
Zechs: ::clamps hand over Megami's mouth before she can finish::  
  
Megami: Mmmph!! ::tries to pull hand away::  
  
Zechs: I'll only let you go if—  
  
Megami: ::glomped on, and not caring if he lets go::  
  
Zechs: K'so. I should've known. ::tries to pry Megami off, then just gives up::  
  
Megami: I'm bored, I'm bored…what was I talking about? Oh, yeah! Some of my evil friends ::cough, cough, brianne, cough, cough:: think Zechs looks like David Bowie! Poor, poor Sexy Zechsy!  
  
Zechs: ::blushing::  
  
All others: ::laughing their asses off::  
  
Trowa: ::starts singing 'Dance, Magic, Dance'::  
  
(a/n: 'Dance, magic, dance' is a song from Labyrinth. It really is a good movie and Zechs doesn't look like David Bowie, brianne!)  
  
Megami: I'm tired.  
  
Van: Go to sleep.  
  
Megami: No, I don't want to.  
  
Van: Baka, if you're tired, go to sleep. This is what normal people do, well, I guess you wouldn't know about what normal people do.  
  
Megami: And *why*, exactly, is that?!  
  
Van: 'Cuz you're not normal.  
  
Quatre: Wow, you're brave.  
  
Megami: ::glares at Van, then smiles:: I know I'm weird. Or, maybe, I'm not weird, and I'm the most normal ever, and everyone else is just really strange and out there.  
  
Heero: No, you're just weird. This proves it.  
  
Megami: Well, what else do I do that's weird?  
  
Heero: That would take too long to list.  
  
Megami: Name three.  
  
Heero: This "fanfic", you practice my death glare in the mirror on a daily basis, and you think the answer to life, the universe, and everything is 42.  
  
(a/n: the answer to life, the universe, and everything think is from a great book called The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy! Go read it!)  
  
Megami: Well…OK, those are pretty weird. But…HEY HOW'D YOU KNOW I PRACTICE YOUR DEATH GLARE IN MY MIRROR?! DO YOU STALK ME OR SOMETHING?!  
  
Wufei: Oh, is Yuy turning into Relena? Mwa ha hahahahahahahaha!!  
  
Heero: ::gives Wufei the copyrighted Heero Yuy Death Glare, then to Megami:: If she shows up, I'll kill you…then her.  
  
Megami: Make Relena show up? Intriguing, but no. I'd have nightmares from seeing her ugly face for months.  
  
Relena: From seeing whose ugly face?  
  
All except Relena: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! IT'S THE EVIL HELL-DEMON!!!! KILL IT KILL IT!!!  
  
Heero: ::whips out gun and shoots Relena dead::  
  
All else: FINALLY!!  
  
Megami: It's about damn time! ::throws body into random vortex that appeared out of no where and then promptly disappears::  
  
Van: Where the hell did that come from?  
  
Megami: the Ford Galaxy  
  
(a/n: they say that in 'Spaceballs'. The *real* ford galaxy is a car.)  
  
Quatre: ::shakes head and laughs softly::  
  
Megami: ^_^ I could make Dorothy appear, then you could 'fix' her eyebrows…  
  
Quatre: NO!!! PLEASE DON'T!!! ::looks very scared::  
  
Megami: Oh, don't worry Q-chan. I don't really want to see her either. Wu- chan, you're allowed to call her a baka onna.  
  
Wufei: ::glare, then sarcastically:: Oh, thank you, most gracious one. I am forever in your debt.  
  
Megami: Don't push it. La la la la la…I think I'll change the CD, considering the fact that I've listened to my Gundam Wing CD about 12 times now and there are only 6 tracks…  
  
Trowa: More randomness…oh, boy.  
  
Megami: :-P ::singing:: Fill my eyes with that double vision, no disguise for that double vision…  
  
Van: Your voice sucks. Stop now.  
  
Megami: ::fake, corny gasp:: You're so mean! I guess I'll just have to sing louder!  
  
All bishonen: NNNOOO!!!!  
  
Megami: ::singing:: ooohhh double vision…  
  
(a/n: 'Double Vision' is a good song by Foreigner, which I sing very frequently ^_^)  
  
Allen: This just keeps getting stranger and stranger as it gets later and later…  
  
Megami: Want to play a game?  
  
Van: Not really.  
  
Wufei: NO!!!  
  
Heero: Iie.  
  
Quatre: No.  
  
Trowa: Of coarse not…especially not one with you.  
  
Allen: No! And why did Duo get to leave? And where did Zechs go?  
  
Megami: Because Hime Maxwell took him back. I actually expected him back… Anyway, Zechs went to go get me my tea. He should have come back by now…  
  
Allen: Poor Duo, married to that authoress…  
  
Zechs: Pity me more. I'm 'married' to her ::points to Megami and hands her tea::  
  
Megami: Arigato, Zechs. Hey minna, guess what!  
  
All: ::bored:: what?  
  
Megami: this tea has caffeine in it! ^_^  
  
Quatre: You shouldn't drink caffeine this late.  
  
Megami: And *you* shouldn't….um… wear socks!  
  
Quatre: Nande yo?  
  
All except Quatre: O.o  
  
(a/n: 'Nande yo' means 'What the hell'. I might have spelled it wrong, though…)  
  
Quatre: ::slaps hands over mouth:: I didn't say that, did I?!  
  
Trowa: Yes, you did.  
  
Quatre: ::starts crying and buries face in Trowa's shirt::  
  
Megami: Oh, they're sooo cute together!  
  
All except Q, T, and Megami: ::sweatdrop::  
  
Megami: Nani?  
  
Zechs: You are the most random person in the world  
  
Megami: *You* say that all the time!  
  
Zechs: But it's true! You just say whatever you think of at the moment, even if it has absolutely nothing to do with what the conversation is about!  
  
Megami: According to Microsoft Word, which I don't own ^_~, we're about half-way through page eight.  
  
Heero: ::sarcastically, if that's possible:: Wow, that is sooo amazing. I'm sure everyone in the world cares about how many pages you filled up with pointless insanity.  
  
Megami: :-P Ya know, my okasan reminds me on a daily, almost hourly, basis that you people don't exist.  
  
Zechs: That's right, we don't.  
  
Megami: But you can't say that if you don't exist. Because you couldn't say anything if you really don't exist, but you do, so—  
  
Van: Let's just stop this before you get carried away and pretend it never happened. OK?  
  
All except Heero: Agreed.  
  
Heero: Rodger that.  
  
Megami: Why didn't you just say "Agreed" with everyone else.  
  
Heero: ::shrugs:: I wanted to be different.  
  
Megami: But a perfect soldier would conform.  
  
Heero: A perfect soldier doesn't need to conform! Who else wears green tank tops with spandex, ::cut off::  
  
Megami: correction: with *sexy* spandex  
  
Heero: ::rolls eyes and continues:: spandex with yellow boots?  
  
Megami: I can't say I know of anyone who wears that particular…outfit…but it looks great on you!!! Never get rid of the spandex. ::slightly crazed:: PrOmIsE mE!! ::OK, completely crazed::  
  
Heero: ::kinda scared; in small voice:: hie!  
  
Megami: GOOD!!! GREAT!! HEY ZECHSY! HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF THE SPANDEX LOOK?!  
  
Zechs: No, I can honestly say I never have.  
  
Heero: And what is wrong with spandex, exactly? ::death glares::  
  
Zechs: Absolutely nothing. It's just…nicht fuer mich.  
  
(a/n: I think that's correct german…)  
  
Quatre: why are you speaking German?  
  
Zechs: Because Megami's nuts, that's why!  
  
Megami: ::laughing:: Oh, minna, by the way, that means 'not for me', only there's supposed to be an umlaut on the u in fur, but by adding the e after the u, the same sound should be produced, so I spelled it right, it's just not normally how it's written. Oh, an umlaut is the two dots above the letter. Only a's o's and u's get umlauts in German, but in other languages, like—  
  
All bishonen: NO ONE CARES!!! YOU SHOULD BE IMPRESSED IF SOMEONE ACTUALLY MADE IT ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE WITHOUT THEIR BRAIN MELTING FROM THE SHEER STUPIDITY AND POINTLESSNESS OF THIS…THIS…WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT!!! IT ISN'T EVEN WORTHY OF THE TITLE 'FAN FICTION'!!!  
  
Megami: Well, if I'm not allowed to babble, then you can't rant!  
  
All bishonen: Fine!  
  
Megami: Fine!  
  
All bishonen: Good!  
  
Megami: Great!  
  
All bishonen: All right, then!  
  
Megami: Yes.  
  
All bishonen: We'll just be leaving now, then.  
  
Megami: I don't think so!  
  
Quatre: ::begging:: PLEASE!!! We're halfway through page ten…***PAGE TEN!!!***  
  
Megami: Well…  
  
Quatre: ::puppy dog eyes::  
  
Megami: …  
  
All bishonen: PLEASE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Megami: Well….OK, since I'm so nice I'll let you go. Plus, it *is* one in the morning. Actually, that's not that late…but I'm nice enough to let you free. ::opens up two vortexes, both have a little sign hanging over them indicating which series they go back to::  
  
Megami: Ja ne!!! Until next time!! Which I guarantee there will be!!!  
  
All bishonen: ::whining::  
  
~*~*~  
  
a/n: That was very odd, ne? What can I say? I'm weird. ^_^ Ja ne, to you too! Oh, and yes the page numbers were correct. I have no reason to make those up, and everything I say I do in here I really do do. (like the practicing the Heero Yuy Death Glare, ya, my sister walked in on my practicing that and it was quite embarrassing.) ^_^ 


End file.
